


Through My Eyes

by lugubrious



Category: Inuyasha - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, in canon, kikyo's pov looking at kagome through time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:06:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5658877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lugubrious/pseuds/lugubrious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first time we meet, you are blonde, and you don’t love me back</p>
<p>the second time, you are brunette, and you do.</p>
<p>after a while i give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything.</p>
<p>because even when you don’t exist i love you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through My Eyes

//

You sit in your bedroom and hold the pink marble to your chest, and you cry. You cry with wanting and with fear and you fall asleep on the bed clothes, clutching it as tightly as you can because you don’t want to let it go, but you also want to crush it in your fist and let the dust filter through the air. 

It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, you are in limbo and everything makes sense in a way that baffles you. 

It’s the day before your 15th birthday. 

//

Your hair is dark, your eyes shut tight and I don’t have time to spare more than a glance your way because  _he_ is staring at me and I’m so tired, I just woke up, I am alive again but am I? 

_Don’t say my name._

The soul in my body feels worn soft. It seeps in through crevices inside of me and fills the holes. It is so large now this cold, manufactured vessel is no longer able to hold it. 

_Don’t say it._

I was at peace, was I not? Why have I returned? Why did you force me to return? I do not want to be here. I walk forward, touch his sleeve. His face is rough but his eyes are liquid and warm in a way I do not recognise. Who are you? 

I am in a world that is cold and unfamiliar and I  _do not want to be here._ I rip his shirt, he jumps back. We are caught in our old dangerous web. 

//

Falling is freer than I would have believed. I cry out his name and taste it, then crash to the ground. 

There is pain, yes. The soul that pushed against my binds has overflown, leaving me ever half-full of life. Walking the edge of  _here_ and  _there_ is a strange feeling, an aching feeling. 

“Alive… I am alive.” 

It is bittersweet.

// 

You are by his side, I am not. 

“This girl… she is doing what I once wanted to do in my stead, eh?” 

What is it you are doing? Melting his heart? Or is it so much simpler than that? Are you living the quiet life I had dreamed of living during my allotted time on earth? 

Every time I see you it is as though my body is on fire once again. My fingers burn, my arms tingle. Like a moth to an open flame I am also drawn to my own destruction. 

I try not to see you. 

I move away, going where my clay feet are taken, and do what I can to fix the wrongs I leave behind me like a path of crumbs. 

It is never hard to find my way back, all I have to do is follow the bloodshed. 

// 

Do you not know? Do you not realise what you are to him? 

You slide down to save me, “Can you stand?” When your hand brushes against my arm even though the sleeve it is too painful. 

“You fool,” I say, “now that you are here InuYasha has lost all reason. He must fight.” 

You doubt what I say. 

// 

I think it is hatred. I think that must be what I feel. Every time I see you, I feel something poisonous and painful. The world is magnified. 

I think it must be hatred, because in this sham of a body, this mock life, there is plenty of hatred within my patchwork being. 

You are powerful. I know this even before I learn about your abilities on a battlefield, because your aura precedes you wherever you go and it is so good and clean. 

I avoid being touched by that aura at all costs, because in its light I am revealed to be the ugly, withered creature I know myself to be. 

“You, who could not defeat me, have no hope of defeating Kagome.” 

//

Warm. 

That is an overarching quality belonging to you. Warm as you hold my clasped hands in your own, warm as I lie with my head resting on your knees and breathe in, out, in, out. It is a precious warmth. 

The fire that burns within when I am with you is strange and powerful, but not the hatred I believed it was. 

He made me feel as though I was not alone. He offered companionship. Now you make me feel as though I am  _alive._ It is more painful than I realised the first time around, and much more fragile. 

Warm. 

I press my hand against the healed wound on my chest, and feel you in me. You always were. 

We share a soul, after all. 

// 

When all is said and done, the tears are drying on your face and I brush past you. 

Strange and dear, I will watch over you. 

I await our next meeting with bated breath and apologies on my lips.


End file.
